you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
