Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
