Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
