next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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