Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize