the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
