That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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