Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
