Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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