You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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