Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
