I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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