I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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