She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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