just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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