This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
