So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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