Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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