id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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