can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize