Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
