I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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