you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
