Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
