I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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