glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
