remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
