If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
