he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
