so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
