Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
