I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
