Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
