dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
