i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
