Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
