8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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