shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
