This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my poor anus
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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