i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
