How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
