even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
