you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
