return my video game
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
