you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
