Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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