My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
