New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
