I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
