Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
