I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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