I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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