I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk is a universal language darling
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