my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
