we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
