my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
