Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize