omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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