real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
