I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
