FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got inside last night via doggy door
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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