I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
