I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
