You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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