i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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