soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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