3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
